Fuck appropriateness.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
