you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think people are normalizing furries
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
