i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
