There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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