My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
