Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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