Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
