the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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