If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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