I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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