dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
handjob tips. give me some.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
