I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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