BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
