can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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