I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
