It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I smell like Dick and happiness
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
