are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
