just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
