I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
