Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
