It was confusing and full of hummus
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
