I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
