I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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