Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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