I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
