OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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