I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's never too late to be topless.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
