don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize