I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
