he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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