Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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