well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
