Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
only you would photoshop your dick
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
