Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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