What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
