the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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