I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
