the new term for farting is butt boxing.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
