My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
