Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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