I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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