i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
