I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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