Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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