Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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