How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
