My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
