you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
