Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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