Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
