last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
