How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
