so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
