my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There are leaves in my underwear?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
