If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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