got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
