If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
