I'm going to jail i love you
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
