i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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