I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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