I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
