Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
