Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
