why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
