You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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