Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
