I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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