she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
