Are we in a gay sports bar?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
