my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
