Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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