Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sobbing to NWA
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
