Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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