As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
