I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling