Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.