Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.