I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's never too late to be topless.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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