i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
