Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize